


a shining knight

by sweetsinnerchild



Series: The Konoha Performance Incentive [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Dark kakashi, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 15:32:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18449444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsinnerchild/pseuds/sweetsinnerchild
Summary: "May I help you, jounin-san," Iruka says politely. Gone were the days he would demand for them to submit proper reports, to listen to orders, to leave. It hurts less that way."Iruka-sensei," the jounin says. "Sensei, I'm a jounin now."Or: Iruka sees a familiar face and remembers how to hope.





	a shining knight

**Author's Note:**

> Please regard the warnings. They're all very pertinent. This is not a happy fic.
> 
> This AU was loosely inspired by a shoddy self-translation of a doujin (Shadows in Silence by Sannasubi) and conversations between myself and drelfina. That discussion spawned an alternate universe where Konoha has really terrible incentive program for their jounins, which includes letting them have their pick of the chuunins. For fucktoy purposes. Thus, this is the Konoha Performance Incentive!Universe, or for short, the Fucktoy!AU.
> 
> More details in end notes. With that being said, I love canon kakairu for all of its quiet domestic comfort - but goddamn do i need some dark shit in my veins.

On a warm afternoon, as Iruka puts away the papers he has just finished grading, someone steps into the classroom. 

Iruka turns around and immediately stiffens - a jounin, marked by the bloody banner around his arm. Although being under Kakashi had warded off most jounins, some of them still made attempts towards him. Iruka has learnt that he had little chance of dissuading them, especially if they had received permission from Kakashi - and god forbid the jounin actually _tell_ him who he gave permission to. If Iruka refused them despite Kakashi's permission, Kakashi would punish him; if Iruka allowed someone to fuck him without Kakashi's permission, then Kakashi would also punish him. There was, as Iruka has come to be intimately aware of over the years, no way to win. 

"May I help you, jounin-san," Iruka says politely. Gone were the days he would demand for them to submit proper reports, to listen to orders, to leave. It hurts less that way. 

"Iruka-sensei," the jounin says. "Sensei, I'm a jounin now."

Iruka frowns, and looks at the jounin more closely. Pale hair and dark eyes, and a scar across the curve of his right cheek - could it be -

"Tadashi-kun?" He says, suddenly breathless and dizzy. The jounin beams at him, and he can see how the child that once clinged to his knees had grown into the young man in front of him. "Tadashi-kun, you've grown so tall!"

Tadashi laughs, a hand coming up to scratch at the back of his head. "I'm only nineteen, sensei. Maybe I'll be even taller."

"You'll hit your head on the doorframe at that rate," Iruka says, entirely fond. The fact that Tadashi is a jounin is still ever present in his mind, but Iruka cannot help but see the child he had treated to ramen when Kakashi was away on missions, that he had encouraged when the shurikens didn't land on the target. Maybe he's a fool for it. "You're a jounin at nineteen...?"

"The jounin captain on my last mission was poisoned badly. I put him out of his misery."

Iruka nods, and puts a hand on Tadashi's shoulder. He has to look up to his student now, he marvels. 

"Congratulations," he says sincerely. Jounins may remain a threat to Iruka, but to Tadashi jounin meant safety. His student has made it past chuunin and came out safe. "Tadashi-kun, I'm proud of you."

"Iruka-sensei." Tadashi takes his hand and holds it in both of his own, and Iruka freezes before forcing himself to relax. If Tadashi had wanted to do anything, he would have already done it. "I... Thank you for your advice before the chuunin exams. If you hadn't told me, I might have ended up..."

 _Like you_. Iruka shakes his head before Tadashi could finish the sentence. 

"It's my duty as a teacher to prepare you for the world," he says gently. "Even if that world is a terrible place."

(He may have loved Hiruzen like a father, but sometimes in the darkest part of Iruka's mind that still rails against the injustice of the world, he curses Hiruzen for never telling Iruka what would happen after he died.)

"And it's my duty as a student to repay you," Tadashi says earnestly. "Sensei, I came here today to tell you something."

"Tell me something," Iruka repeats, lost. 

Tadashi nods. "Sensei, the person who claimed you is Hatake-san, right? Hatake Kakashi?"

Iruka looks away. It's no surprise that Tadashi knows, now that he's a jounin - in fact, any shinobi that ever reached chuunin would be well informed about the pariahs of their rank, unlucky enough to be chosen by the jounins. Still, his students have always remained his students, and Iruka cannot bear to look them in the eye once they know how entirely weak he is. 

"Yes," he says, stiltedly. "Hatake-san is the one who claimed me."

He still remembers the anger, the pain, the desperation he fought with against Kakashi, only to be pinned down and told that it was allowed, that his rape was allowed and Kakashi would never be held responsible for it. The hopelessness came when he realised that everything Kakashi had told him was true, and that Kakashi could and would do it over and over again. 

"Sensei." He turns to look at his student, who squeezes his hand and looks at him in the eye with all his sincerity. "Sensei, tomorrow I will challenge Hatake-san for you."

"What," Iruka croaks. 

"They say that he only wanted you because he couldn't kill the previous Hokage," Tadashi says. "But I want you because you've been so kind to me, sensei. You taught me and looked out for me when you didn't have to. And..." Here Tadashi looks away, almost bashfully. "I think that I might have feelings for you."

Iruka's throat dries up. He's always hoped that one of his students would remember him, and that they would pity him enough to help him one day - but if Tadashi wants him to - to -

"I won't force you." Tadashi declares, with youthful sincerity. "Sensei, I would claim you from Hatake-san, but I would wait for you. And even if you never feel the same way, I would be fine with it. But please, sensei. Let me help you."

"Tadashi-kun," Iruka says again, hope and disbelief strangling his voice. Tadashi smiles at him with a boyish charm, and Iruka doesn't know if he can stamp down the intense longing he has, for a day where he could call his body his own. But he has to warn Tadashi about Kakashi, about his prowess in battle because surely he knows Kakashi's reputation? Surely he knows what he's up against?

But Tadashi had been bright, a dedicated student at the top of his class, so maybe, maybe...

Maybe Tadashi understands him and the way hope drowns out all other emotions as he places a hand on Iruka's shoulder. "Tomorrow, when Hatake-san comes back from his mission, I will challenge him when he hands in his report." His mission desk shift, Iruka realises. How coincidental. "Please, wait for me."

"Okay," Iruka says softly. "I... thank you, Tadashi-kun."

"You're welcome, sensei," Tadashi says, and Iruka faintly wonders if he could fall in love with his student, or at the very least, try. If Tadashi could release him from Kakashi, then it must be something he could do. "I'll see you tomorrow."

And Tadashi leaves him, in the classroom that is his sanctuary, and Iruka doesn't know whether he can dare to hope and believe. 

* * *

Kakashi returns with little fanfare, strolling into the mission room with a scroll dangling from his fingers. He heads straight to Iruka's desk, and tosses the scroll at his face - it is only routine and weary acceptance that lets Iruka catch the scroll and spread it out in one smooth movement, to review. 

To anyone else, the handwriting is illegible. It is a sad excuse for a mission report, and he knows that Kakashi knows it, especially with the expectant way he's regarding Iruka. Iruka would have to rewrite the entire mission report, and if he's fortunate he wouldn't need to beg Kakashi for the details. 

He's rarely so fortunate. 

"Thank you for your hard work." He rolls the scroll up and places it to the side. Kakashi's expression - well, eye - is unreadable, and Iruka cannot tell sometimes whether he expects obedience or insubordination. The jounin leans over the desk, and Iruka does not shrink backwards for the futility of the action. 

"Come straight home today," Kakashi demands, and all Iruka can think is _ah, it's obedience_. 

His relief is cut short when the door slides open yet again, and Tadashi steps into the room. Iruka's eyes widen as Tadashi makes a beeline for his desk, and Kakashi, ever observant, turns around and regards the shinobi in front of him in silence. 

He has been hoping for Tadashi to appear all shift - but also that Tadashi would rethink his plan of action and just... forget about Iruka. He's not sure which expression Kakashi saw on his face. 

"Hatake-senpai." Tadashi greets, and sketches a short bow. Kakashi does not afford him the same courtesy. 

"Yes." Kakashi says shortly. 

"My name is Kishino Tadashi." His eyes catches Iruka's own, and he smiles; Kakashi regards this interaction with blatant disinterest. "I would like to challenge you for Iruka-sensei."

"Umino?" The tone Kakashi takes is dangerously bored, especially when Kakashi has never afforded him the courtesy of using his last name. It has always been Iruka or sensei. "A little bit old for you, isn't he?"

Tadashi, to his credit, remains smiling. 

"If he's old for me, then surely he's also old for you," he says smoothly, and Iruka can't even be angered by the slights the jounins are carelessly lobbing at him. Not when freedom is so tantalisingly possible. "Perhaps you'd prefer... fresher goods? I'll be happy to take sensei off your hands."

"I don't think you know what I prefer," Kakashi says flatly. 

"I don't," Tadashi agrees. "But I do know what I prefer. I'd like it if you give Iruka-sensei to me, senpai. But if you're unwilling, then I would challenge you for him."

The room is silent, all eyes on Kakashi as they wait for his reply. 

"Training grounds four. Noon." Kakashi finally says.

Tadashi inclines his head, ever respectful. 

"Thank you, Hatake-senpai," he says. He turns to Iruka, and Iruka sits up straight. "Iruka-sensei," all warmth, a direct contrast to the mocking tone Kakashi uses whenever he calls Iruka by name. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Iruka nods, not daring to speak in Kakashi's presence. Tadashi offers him another smile, small and sweet, and takes his leave. Iruka can only stare after him, almost wistfully. 

"I'll see you at home," Kakashi says, and Iruka remembers where and what he is. 

"Yes," and he swallows all the hope sharp and sparkling down his throat and guards it tight around his chest. "You will."

* * *

Post-mission means a routine Kakashi rarely deviates from: a blowjob to take the edge off, and then using Iruka as a cocksleeve. It had taken Iruka a year to figure that Kakashi won't hurt him (much) if Iruka followed his orders, and another to learn to anticipate his demands. Of course, if Kakashi was feeling particularly violent then all the preparations in the world wouldn't help Iruka - but Iruka would wrest control in his life where he can, especially if it means avoiding pain. 

When Iruka steps into the apartment, Kakashi is already on the couch. It's almost automatic how he slides his satchel off his shoulder and onto the table, and how he gets onto his knees and unzips Kakashi's pants. Kakashi doesn't even say a word, staring up at the ceiling as Iruka draws his cock out and starts sucking gently just below the foreskin, as Kakashi likes it. 

This is normal for them - Kakashi really only talks to Iruka when he deigns to explain the workings of the world to Iruka and how Iruka missed all the signs and ended up here. It'll be foolish to expect any sort of conversation - the thought of them exchanging pleasantries was unimaginable, and unnecessary. They both know that Iruka has never been a willing participant in this relationship, just as they know that Kakashi doesn't care, so any chance of ameliorating their interactions is pretty much negated. 

However, with Tadashi's challenge, Iruka can't exactly tell if this is normal. It's only when Kakashi's cock is halfway down his throat and Iruka's fingers are working himself open that Kakashi finally says something. 

"You knew that he was going to challenge me," Kakashi muses aloud. 

Iruka pauses, considering whether to take the cock out of his mouth and answer. 

"Mm." He finally says, and continues bobbing his head, because the action is the explicit version of nodding his head and Iruka can be nothing but practical about this.  

"You weren't surprised," Kakashi continues, his tone unaffected despite the hard cock in Iruka's mouth. "You looked surprised to see him, but you weren't surprised when he made the challenge."

"Mm," Iruka says again, and Kakashi gets less talkative when Iruka cups his balls with his other hand and feels them tighten as he squeezes them, and doesn't talk at all when he comes down Iruka's throat. 

Later, when he's sitting in Kakashi's lap, cock up his ass and not moving until Kakashi wants him to, Kakashi then continues. 

"You want him to save you, don't you," he says, a trace of mockery winding around his words and this. Iruka closes his eyes, this is what he expected. "What did he tell you, sensei? That he likes you? Or that he wants to fuck you?"

Kakashi punctuates the last question with a roll of his hips, and Iruka simply holds on. 

"He said he had feelings for me," Iruka says, because keeping quiet has worked up until Kakashi decides to push all of his buttons. Kakashi is very good at pushing Iruka's buttons. 

“Feelings." Iruka can hear the sneer in his voice. 

"He's only human," Iruka says, and he knows Kakashi can tell it's a subtle insult. The grip on Iruka's hips tightens not because Kakashi feels insulted, but because Iruka insulted him. "He's still so young."

"Your white knight in shining armour," Kakashi says, a smile curling the side of his lips - like it's entertaining, like Iruka has been entertaining him for the past few years. 

And because Iruka is tired, so tired, he looks at Kakashi and asks, "can you blame me for wanting him to be?"

Kakashi doesn't bother to reply - only to start grinding into the heat of Iruka's body, and the conversation's as good as done. 

* * *

Training grounds four is on open reservations for jounins only, one of the various perks afforded for the rank. Iruka has only ever stepped foot on it when Kakashi drags him in under the guise of helping him train and ends up fucking him against the tree after having beaten Iruka down into submission. There's been less of that, but it had been mortifying to look over Kakashi's shoulder and see interested jounin eyeing them as Kakashi fucked him. 

Today, the training grounds had jounins milling around the edges, clearly waiting for the challenge. Iruka can feel their eyes trailing him as he walks in with Kakashi, a full hour later than the appointed time, and knows that they can see the limp in his step. Kakashi had decided to be rougher than usual, and Iruka honestly should have prepared himself a little more thoroughly - the mission had taken longer than expected after all. 

Tadashi is waiting in the center of the clearing, standing at parade rest. Kakashi comes to a stop in front of him, his posture screaming boredom, and Tadashi stands up straighter. 

"Hatake-senpai." Tadashi greets him. His eyes flick to Iruka, just behind Kakashi's shoulder. "Iruka-sensei."

"Let's get on with this." Kakashi says. "I'm a very busy man."

"Of course," Tadashi agrees genially. He smiles again, at Iruka - and Iruka has the wild urge to tell Tadashi to walk away while he can. He doesn't have the illusion that Kakashi likes Iruka or would lift a finger to defend him - but Kakashi would defend his own reputation, and Iruka's a part of the image that Kakashi needs to uphold. 

"Tadashi-kun," Iruka says - but Kakashi throws a hand out and prevents him from stepping forward. 

"To the side, Iruka," he drawls. Iruka looks at him, because maybe he could protest and damn the consequences.

 _But there won't be any consequences if Tadashi wins_ , something weak and hopeful whispers at him. _You'd be free_. 

"It'll be fine, sensei," Tadashi says. "I promise."

"Iruka," Kakashi warns.

Iruka backs off to the side. A jounin - Kakashi's friend, Iruka thinks, a Tenzou or Yamato - splits off from the edges of the crowd, holding up a hand. 

"On three," he says, his voice clear across the training grounds. "One."

Kakashi slouches further, looking as if he'd rather be doing anything else. 

"Two."

Tadashi takes out a kunai, grips it ready.

"Three."

The first thing Iruka's eyes register is that Tenzou has jumped well out of the way and is now standing next to Iruka. 

The second is Kakashi with a fistful of lightning placed perfectly in Tadashi's gut. 

Iruka chokes on the bile that rushes up his throat as the scent of burning flesh sears his senses. Tadashi is staring blankly at Kakashi's face, and Iruka can only see a child who tried to throw a shuriken and not understanding why it failed to pierce the target - he can only see Tadashi, small and bright and so young in the vulnerable lines of his countenance. The kunai previously in Tadashi's hand is now in Kakashi's, resting at Tadashi's bare throat. 

"Tadashi-kun!" Iruka's voice sounds less like his own, and more like a wounded animal with its leg caught in a trap. His student, his child, twitches. Iruka takes a step forward, because _that's enough, please, enough_ \- but suddenly there's wooden vines winding around his legs and arms, holding him in place. 

"Watch, sensei," Tenzou says quietly next to him, and that's all Iruka can do as Kakashi lets go and Tadashi drops to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut. 

Kakashi steps over the prone body on the ground, twirling the kunai around by the ring in its pommel. A pool of blood seeps out from Tadashi's abdomen, soaking into the already darkened soil of the training grounds. He crouches down next to Tadashi, and reaches out to place a hand on Tadashi's head. 

Iruka renews his struggle when Kakashi pulls his student by the hair, and arranges for Tadashi's face, white from shock and everything wrong that Iruka has done, to stare at Iruka. His eyes are glassy and Iruka's guilt twists any expression Tadashi has into one of accusation, that Iruka knew that this would happen and let it happen anyway. 

Kakashi bends lower, to whisper something into Tadashi's ear, and the boy shudders. His finger twitches, and Kakashi takes his time in plunging Tadashi's own kunai through the back of his hand, and watches as the appendage spasms around the intrusion. 

The next few minutes would haunt Iruka for the rest of his life: Kakashi hovering over his student, letting the kunai slip into non-vital spots and pulling it out harshly, the blade gleaming with blood. Tadashi convulses at every wound inflicted, blood frothing past his lips and dripping down his chin - and his eyes bore into Iruka, accusing him of his failure to assess his student, to make sure that Tadashi can challenge the Copy-nin and come out alive. Being jounin meant nothing, Kakashi had been Anbu, and if Iruka hadn't been so stupidly, stupidly selfish to let hope overwhelm his rationality, Tadashi would not be bleeding out on the ground. 

His voice had gone hoarse from the pleas he had made to Kakashi to _stop, please, enough_ \- but since when has Kakashi ever listened to him? Instead, he turns to Tenzou with his dark and serious eyes, and hopes that there is someone kind enough left to listen. 

"Please," he begs. Tenzou doesn't look at him, but if Iruka cannot appeal to Kakashi he has nothing to lose by talking to Tenzou. "Please let me go to him. He's only so young - _please_."

A beat, perhaps two - and the vines retract from his body. Iruka throws himself forward, lunging for the kunai before it could hurt his student one more time; he finds himself on his back, something wet and warm and shuddering beneath him and Kakashi looming over him like a wolf ready to rip Iruka's jugular out. 

"Move, Iruka," Kakashi says, his voice calm but his posture anything but. The air between them is charged with static, crackling with each moment passed - and Iruka can see Kakashi killing him right here and now for his insubordination. 

Death would be a mercy, but if Iruka dies here he would have done nothing to save Tadashi. 

"He's my student," Iruka pleads, an echo of a protest he made so long ago when he believed in the freedom to speak his mind. "He's only a child."

It seems only fitting that Kakashi says in turn: "He's a soldier now. A jounin." His eye stares into Iruka's own relentlessly. "He chose this."

"No," Iruka says, grasping at anything and everything that can keep Kakashi from driving the kunai into Tadashi. "I... I..."

A moan sounds weakly from underneath Iruka - and if Kakashi kills Iruka for this, so be it. 

"I convinced him to challenge you." He forces the words out, bitter and sharp against his throat - and Kakashi waits, his gaze dark as Iruka damns himself. "I taught him to resent you and to pity me. I told him he could take you on, and, and - "

"You didn't tell him you begged me for protection." Kakashi says silkily. Iruka flinches, his fingers clenching onto the body beneath him. "Spread your legs wide open just so you can cower under my shadow."

"Yes," Iruka breathes, shame flushing his face red and hot, "so please, please let me bring him to the hospital, it's not his fault - "

"He wasn't clever enough to know he was being used, sensei." Iruka's seen Kakashi smile without his mask - he knows that Kakashi is smiling now. "Like you weren't clever enough to choose someone who could actually challenge me." The smile is gone as fast as it appeared; the kunai held, ready to kill. "So move, Iruka."

"No," Iruka repeats, the words dropping from his mouth like stones through the surface of a pond. "I - I can't. I won't."

Kakashi stares down at him, and Iruka can tell he's contemplating how to kill Iruka for undermining his authority in front of all the other jounins. 

Maybe Tadashi won't resent him if Iruka dies first. 

Then suddenly Tenzou is there, a light touch on Kakashi's shoulder, and Kakashi's eye snap to regard the other man. 

"Senpai," Tenzou says. "If you kill another jounin, there might be repercussions."

They stay like that, a tableau of four, until Kakashi finally relents and moves back into a slouching position. Iruka knows better than to expect that it's over. 

"Maa, Tenzou," Kakashi says lightly. "You're right. All that paperwork would be... troublesome."

Tenzou only inclines his head. 

"You'll bring that to the hospital for me, won't you?" He's looking at Iruka again, and Iruka can't hold back his shudders. _Death is a mercy_. "I need to do some disciplining."

"Yes, senpai."

"Good." A hand clamps onto Iruka's neck, and he's being dragged out of the training grounds with the leering eyes of other jounin laughing after him. He watches as Tenzou hoists Tadashi onto his shoulder, and leaves - by walking, not by teleportation - and at this point he can only hope that Tadashi holds out just long enough to get to the hospital. 

At this point, Iruka can only worry about himself. 

* * *

The last time Kakashi had seen fit to discipline him, it had been after Iruka made an attempt on his life. 

There had been no way out. Iruka had tried everything he could think of, from training himself to taking on more shifts and begging the mission desk for a mission that would let him get out of the village and away from it all. Kakashi was there at every corner, blocking Iruka with a smirk and all the policies Konoha put in place to keep their elite jounins happy. The chuunin manning the desk had laughed Iruka out of the room, and Iruka learnt that Kakashi had effectively suspended Iruka's eligibility for missions outside the village, and that Iruka could never leave. 

There was no way out that Iruka could see, except the kunai and Kakashi asleep on the bed. 

He should have seen it for the bait that it was - and Kakashi had told him so as he wrenched the blade from Iruka's grasp and drove it through Iruka's knee. 

(You don't need your legs to teach, after all.)

Now, he doesn't know what Kakashi would do - the challenge and Iruka's admission of guilt had been as good as an attempt on Kakashi's life. Maybe Kakashi would break Iruka's knee again so that Iruka can have a matching pair - or leave him in the jounin breakroom, for other jounins to use. It's not an uncommon practice, with other jounins often using it to break their unrulier targets in, and it was the very experience that had Iruka begging for Kakashi's protection in the first place even if Kakashi had been the one to put him there. 

The breakroom it is, Iruka thinks in utter despair - but only because Iruka cannot think of anything worse. 

But for now they're in Kakashi's apartment, with Kakashi pinning him by the throat against the wall of his bedroom and for all of Iruka's rationality he is not ready. Not at all. 

"So sensei," Kakashi says. "Training up future jounins now, are we?"

Iruka flinches, and Kakashi's bare thumb strokes down the side of his neck, through the sweat and grime and Tadashi's drying blood.

Oh gods, Tadashi. 

"How many snakes in the grass have you tended, sensei? How many students have you poisoned against me?” Kakashi presses in and there's nowhere for Iruka to cower, with the scent of blood surrounding them like an oppressive haze. Kakashi had never been afraid to get his hands dirty, not when his signature move is shoving his hand through someone's chest. "Do I have to watch my back now? Maybe they won't even wait until they're jounin, next time. They'll just come on a mission with me and strike then, hm?"

Iruka has the sudden image of Kakashi and his students, freshly chuunin, out on a mission. Kakashi, slicing each of their throats, and leaving them to lie dying in the dirt.

"No,” he chokes out. 

"No?" Kakashi repeats. "Only the jounins then?"

"No, no," Iruka says, because if he said yes Kakashi would kill them the moment they laid one finger on the bloody banners when they were supposed to mean safety. Tadashi was supposed to be _safe_. "I only- I only talked to Tadashi-kun, please -"

The hand on his throat flexes and Iruka's breath hitches, an automatic reflex to take in as much oxygen as he can before Kakashi strangles it out of him. 

"Tadashi-kun," Kakashi muses. "I wonder, sensei - had he won, would you be embracing him right now? Rewarding him with a kiss for his troubles?"

The noise Iruka makes is pained and guttural. 

"Don't," he begs, _don't make me think, don't make me hope don't make me want_  -

"Maybe he would have carried you to his bed," Kakashi breathes, his words painting a future that was never meant to be. "Set you down on it softly, and undress you so slowly." Iruka curls into himself as if he'll be able to block out those words, honeyed poison dripping from a false tongue. "Did you want that, sensei? Did you want that from your Tadashi-kun?"

Yes and no and Iruka doesn't know what he would have done in a future so sweet and bright and utterly unattainable. Tadashi had said he would have waited for Iruka even if Iruka never wanted him, and Iruka remembers thinking that he could have learnt how to fall in love in a possibility so soft and gentle. A possibility where he would have a choice, and be respected for it. 

 _He could have been free_. Gods, he was so stupid.

"Well?" Kakashi says into his ear, lips brushing against soft cartilage. "Maybe I can be gentle for you instead of Tadashi-kun, sensei. Would you like that?"

The hand on Iruka's throat slides up his neck to cup his face, the soft leather of his glove warm and damp against skin. If Iruka closes his eyes, he might even forget that they're both soaked in the blood of his student. 

"Maybe you just need someone to be gentle to you," Kakashi whispers, pressing a kiss to Iruka's cheek, and Iruka hates himself for leaning into it like a man starved of warmth, for proving Kakashi's observations to be undeniably true. 

* * *

This is worse: Kakashi laying him out gently on the bed, undressing him slowly, just as he said Tadashi would.

This is worse: Kakashi rocking into him gently, Iruka's legs around his waist, holding him tight and close in an embrace. 

This is worse: Kakashi whispering about  how naive Iruka was, to think that Kakashi had not been keeping tabs on his students. How very selfish of Iruka, because between freedom and his students Iruka had loved freedom more - and now his students were paying the price. How easy, to spread his legs for the smallest scrap of affection even from his tormentor.

( _If only Tadashi-kun can see you now_ , Kakashi sighs into his mouth, and Iruka shudders.)

It's worse, it's worse, and yet Iruka can't let go of this gentler Kakashi despite his cruel tongue. There's no one else who would be this kind, with Kakashi outright maiming the only person who had been, and Iruka has always lived his life never asking for more than he was given. 

He'll never ask for more again. 

"Maybe he'd even say I love you," Kakashi says, and Iruka has never loathed himself more as he comes.

* * *

Tadashi dies in the hospital - an easy prey, the rumours say, and that someone had put him out of his misery. 

Iruka cries, and Kakashi licks his tears away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Short run-down of the Konoha Performance Incentive!Universe:
> 
> For their illustrious services to Konoha, jounins are allowed their pick of chuunins and Konoha turns a blind eye. As long as both parties remain mission-ready, jounins can do anything and everything short of maiming chuunins. Promotion happens if you manage to kill the jounin or get someone to kill them for you - so when picking a target most would avoid chuunins in a clan, or those in medic or intel. No comrade-killing is allowed in the village. (Kakashi might get a slap on the wrist here, but he can raise the defense that he was challenged first, and he brought his challenger to the hospital. Or Tenzou did.)
> 
> Iruka got fucked over by Mizuki and Hiruzen, in that both kept him in the dark about the incentives. Mizuki was playing the long game in getting Iruka as a vulnerable target and maybe one day when Mizuki's a jounin Iruka can beg him for protection. Hiruzen kept Iruka around for people to get the impression that he was keeping a kid as a fucktoy as was his right, even though all they did was drink tea and play shogi (and listen to Iruka's declarations about a world where the Will of Fire burned strong in Konoha's shinobi, instead of in their loins.) It's a nice fantasy.
> 
> When Hiruzen dies, people who couldn't kill Hiruzen (i.e. Kakashi, who held a grudge but couldn't act on it) decided if they couldn't do anything to Hiruzen then the fucktoy was still an acceptable alternative. And so, here we are.
> 
> Cheers. Please point me towards more dark fic.


End file.
